you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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