I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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