We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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