I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
