I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
