So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
