I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
