so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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