Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
