Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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