i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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