You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
