Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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