The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
