Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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