i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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