i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
