it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
