i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
