Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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