Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
