She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
