you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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