I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
