At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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