i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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