we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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