awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
