I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
