theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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