Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
