I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
