Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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