i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
