my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
