can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
