considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
