onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
