This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
