My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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