so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
