Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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