Already got asked if we're dating
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
