I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
