So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
