Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
