This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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