i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
