Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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