So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Boobs speak an international language.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
