What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
