Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
