and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
